MyStory

2010-02-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

i used to be love drunk,
now im hungover.
i love you forever,
forever is over.

if you're thinking about it that much, doesn it mean that you want it?
im sorry if im wrong, but it really seem that way.

if the one of us want a break, there's no point in giving a choice to the other one.
why can't you get it?
i just want you to be happy.
cause i know i will make myself numb and eventually forget you.

you were so nice to me when we first started.
everyday we would text sweet nothings to each others.
this year we didn't spend our valentine's day.
and we won't have a chance to do it anymore.
i know we won't.

you started becoming clingy and emo-ish.
everyday doing things that i detest.
our conversations are going nowhere too.
there's no point anymore.

i've changed.
you too.
we've changed to repel each other.
im sick and tired already. just let me go.

2010-01-25T03:23:00.000-08:00

i read your blog.

for a moment i really liked you.
the two day 1 night camp was absolutely fun with you.

even though till the end, i chose to stay with him,
i hope you understand that you are one of the best guys i've seen.
hope you'll find the one for you. stay happy too (:

and i won't be the correct piece for your life concert.
one day you'll figure that out.
but i will always be in the first row audience and support you throughout.

2009-12-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

i know what's 妄想 afterall.
and i do know im possessive.
but i just can't help being angry over you not caring about anything.

maybe one day, i'll just run away from you.

if i even bring up the courage of telling you he like me.
that means i want you, to be jealous. even for a bit.
and not telling me you didn't feel anything after receiving those forward-ed messages.

maybe you're just too good for me...

2009-12-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

the day when i break up with you, i will not cry.
because i will remember those days we spent together.
making stupid jokes...
hugging and kissing...

i know you are not one that laugh or talk much.
but its all okay, cause i will make you.
i appreciate the silence you give me, because sometimes, thats all i need.

when i always say, i don like you,
none of it is true at all.
it just meant that, "stop being mean, i love you."

2009-12-07T03:44:00.000-08:00

第一次牵你的手
我紧张的不行

all my first times with you.
and im glad that its you.

i remember the first time we held hands.
i remember the first time you hugged me.
i remember the first time you kissed me.
i remember the first time we quarreled [or maybe just myself being unreasonable]
i remember the first time you held my hands in class, in front of the class.

i remember the first night i missed you so much that i cried.
i remember the first time i waited for your sms until i got angry.
i remember the first time i yearn so so much for your kiss.
i remember the first time i tried so hard to imagine my blanket was you,

so that i can finally sleep.

and i'll forever remember this time, where i can't decide if i will break up with you.

even i felt unbelievable that i managed to remember all these.
but i guess im just gonna type all these down,
and persuade myself to read through just before i make up my mind...
to break up with you.

2009-11-22T01:36:00.000-08:00

那些爱过的感觉都太深；
我都还记得。

原来我那么的爱他，爱到那么深。
连我自己都不敢相信。
毕竟这也是我第一段恋爱…
我不能期待太过分。

反正我终于清楚我这一段恋情相似绿茶般。
不能期待它的甜味，只要自己放下心里对它的期待，
一定能常出它独特的甜味。
而我自己也相信-只要我不再对他有所期待，我一定能感受到恋爱中的甜味。

虽然哭了那么多夜晚才领悟到这如此渺小的道理，我还是觉得十分值得。
因为至少还是被我发现了。
所以，陈鼎翰，让我继续爱上你吧 (:
因为…因为我是真的真的很爱你。
你也会为你所答应的事实现，对吧?

我知道你永远也不可能读到这一篇…
但至少我可以真的肯定我爱上你了。
而且我还是更更更爱你了，越来越爱<3

2009-05-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

我喜欢一醒来有你在身旁；
我喜欢就这样靠在你胸膛；
我喜欢你的手放在我肩膀；

可能爱就是那么的简单，只是被我们人类改划成这样复杂。
不是吗？
因为我们都认为爱牵涉着太多的事情。
其实，它只需要两个人来写。

所以，你愿意和我一起改造这个人类所谓的“爱” 吗？
让我们把这件事宣传给全世界，告诉他们人类冲很久以前的错误……

我多希望有个男生这么的酷的跟我所这件事。
但这只是我凭空捏造的，每半句是事实。多希望爱的确这样的简单。
几句话就可以解释“爱” 这既简单又复杂的字。

2009-04-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

hello retarded world.

zzz: how was your day?
June: well, it was retarded and shitty. and i even threw my temper. i shall also stop being so fussy and agree to everything even it costs my life.
zzz: you should stop being so sarcastic.
June: oh yah, thanks. i should also make this world a better one by stop talking.
zzz: oh so you realised.
June: fuck you, but you're the only one that said this to me. so i guess its true. thank you.
zzz: you're welcome. anyways, just cheer up. tomorrow can't be worse if today's the worst you can have.
June: omg, thanks.

2009-04-13T07:12:00.001-07:00

i finally understood why am i tearing in the middle of the night for no more particular reason. i realised someone that important to me has been so stress that went to do something wrong. so wrong that i feel a tinge of anger inside.

this tinge of anger isn't the normal anger kind. its those unexplainable type. i feel really stress. i remembered he used to say that "it was a miracle that we met", "we would be together, whether you like it or not".

he really stood by my side quietly. even though i always scolds him, he's really able to cheer me up. i think he knows when im sad, angry, stress. i dare to say that he's the only one that's able to see what im thinking with just a scratch on my head or something. im really used to be so so so proud of him. just not anymore.

im sure he knows what i meant after reading this.

2009-04-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

its been long since i posted into this blog.

its been really good these few months.
nothing has changed much.
just a few of this and that(:

so now, please turn your love to me.
i just want it that way.

2009-03-21T03:32:00.000-07:00

i don't wanna be like Cinderalla sitting in a dark old dusty cellar waiting for somebody, to come and set me free.
i don't wanna be like Snow White waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me on a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side.
don't want to depend on no one else, I'd rather rescue myself.

the fairytale life, isn't for me.

-quoted from Disney -the cheetah girls.

2009-03-17T09:32:00.001-07:00

is bitching bad?
i mean, yeah, we know back-stabbing is bad.
but does bitching means talking bad about that person?
saying stuff that are untrue about that person?

if that person's bad, and you're talking about what bad he/she has done,
that doesn count as bitching right?

2009-03-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

看来我的心跳又在跳了。
真得快变成一种不可思议的的习惯了，
看见他……心跳加速。
真得很想牵起他那厚厚的手。
即使知道自己再也没机会了，但也会无法控制自己心中的画面出现在脑海中。

说真的，那是大家所谓的单恋吗？
因为我可能真的第一次拥有着一种言语更本无法形容出的感觉……
我真的该鼓起勇气更他说吗？我真得很很很很帕回想我心中的恐惧。
被拒绝。

2009-03-01T23:44:00.000-08:00

okay, i really stopped my heart now.
it has really, i swear, stopped beating.
its dead now.

i should have expected all these.
i mean yeah, he was in the same class as her for 2 years.
what can you expect?
same CCA some more.
she knows more of her secrets than i do.

i have no rights of liking him at all from the start.
it was all my unrequited love.
this is so dumb.

all i wanted was...
someone that like me...even if i don't like him.
he's not loud and noisy.
he can listen to what i have to say even if its all complains.
he cares about how i feel...

2009-02-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

i know this is over thousandth times i've said this.
and i definitely hope this is the last time ):

"im gonna give up on him. "
"im gonna stop my heart beating for him"

because i know this isn't happening.
i stopped all the sms-es im giving him. i wanna end this kind of relationship.

2009-02-15T02:15:00.000-08:00

it was a lonely valentine's day.
nothing much. well, much.
same old days. all i want was someone beside me.

he cheered me up with some sms-es at 1 a.m.
though it was totally over valentine.

我还记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了。

2009-02-09T03:06:00.000-08:00

everyone tells me he has attitude problem.
well, i know that. really.
so stop telling me that!

2009-02-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

看来我真的放弃了,
我其实很久以前就记得我曾经说过...
不是每件事都会是完美的.

人都会犯错.
我也是.

满天的晚霞烧得正艳红
它好像急着要我去把握
犹豫它住在我的心中
怎能随便找个人诉说
至于头发谁留得比较长
是不是就能分担生命的重量
我打开每一扇窗
让它可以捎来你的回答
朋友请你不要笑我
忧伤的事太多我想出去走走
那许多有情人是不是一种传说
为何我还在这里守住寂寞
感动的事太多我想出去走走
找一个星期天我就要骑着单车
带我的吉他和你一起遨游
青春的血液本来就很浓
想要把万事万物都看透
荣誉它住在我的心中
不能遇上挫折就往后
至于未来它究竟有多长
梦想的旗帜究竟飘扬在何方
忘不掉旧日生活无心犯下的错
我又怎能潇洒无悔的战斗一听音乐网提供

2009-02-01T03:57:00.000-08:00

"Oh my god, don't fake! the whole band knows he like you!"
[thump] so its not only me? im not the only one that likes him? he likes me too?
those questions ran through my mind.

im not sure if its true, but one thing i know, i wouldn't mind him liking me.
though i've been telling myself to stop going deeper...but...

2009-01-31T01:20:00.000-08:00

sometimes people don't understand.
i don't know. its making me feeling weird and funny.
not really funny, just something else that i have no idea what it is.

really, i don't mind sacrificing my free time...
just that i want your invitation and not other people's!
its simple yet its sounding complicated.
so whatever.

2009-01-29T03:26:00.001-08:00

this is the 24th post.
im thinking if im a friend to anyone. i really mean anyone.
suddenly its like, things are fading away.
not the way it used to be, never going to be anyways.

its going to be a lonely valentine's day.
and its going fine, since im always alone. it doesn matter much anymore.
im fine with the way it is. its dumb but true.
so im gonna live with it until it changes.

everything has been random lately, but its all facts of my life.
either you take it or leave it. its always like that, and never gonna change.
i guess everyone has their own problems. not like im the only one on Earth.
selfishness, procrastination, lier, inconsiderate...
thats all part of me. really, adding all of them up equals to me.
well, the real me.
not the one you see everyday laughing here and there.
not the one you see everyday screaming here and there.
yes, that's me. believe it or not. believe it. believe me.
when everyone thinks im good, kind, whatever...im just not.

when someone saw through something in me, my heart turned dark.
i felt like running away and never returning.
but i had no choice but to smile back, acting all me.
well, its me. just a fake one.

2009-01-23T03:30:00.000-08:00

喜歡彼此成爲了我的日常習慣。
其實並不真的清除他是否真的喜歡我，但我知道自己的單戀會是永恒的。

單戀真的很辛苦，愛一個人更辛苦。
說真的，不管他真的喜不喜歡我，我知道我已習慣偷偷看著他的感覺。
每天他和我插件而過的心情是難以忍受，因爲我真的不知道他喜不喜歡我。

2009-01-22T04:22:00.000-08:00

因为我的喜欢，你十分的困扰。
因为我的喜欢，你我变得开心。

因为你的喜欢，我变得更邪恶。
因为你的喜欢，我变得更开朗。

因为彼此的喜欢，我们变得更亲近。

2009-01-21T02:32:00.000-08:00

one's power is strong enough to
waver one's emotion
shake the world
yet when there's a group, you're invinsible.

thats what i've been thinking today, this minute.
no one would have thought putting a smile on your face would be that significant
you must have thought it was a 'no big deal' action,
but suprisingly, it changed one's life.
it could have let him or her change the decision which led onto a different road.

really, im proud of people that can put smiles on other people's face.

2009-01-17T22:48:00.000-08:00

so nothings wrong now. or so i think.
im trying to maintain it there, or make it even better.
just not for the worst. im really trying my best to study every weekdays.
cause well, i do know that im not the type that'll sacrifice my weekends for those kind of stuff.

so, my target now is:
1. study every weekday.
2. decrease my expenditure. [important]

these may seem a bit little to some of you.
but its really a lot for me D:

2009-01-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

say im easy moved or have a weak will, i don't care.
its dumb, but after what everyone says about him, i agree.
he has a serious problem with his attitude.
i have no idea why and how i fell for him initially too. DUMB.

so now, i have no one that i like.
maybe its meant to be. i don't know.
its seems a bit sad though.

im unconsiously avoiding him eveyday...
getting the feeling of my close friend falling for him,
forget it, its getting too complicated.
i should get myself to quit this stuff.

2009-01-15T02:52:00.000-08:00

为你第一次唱情歌
面对第一次分手
我好想对全世界说, 我爱你不要走

i <3 him...a lot.
my lies are getting exposed, bit by bit.
its getting tougher covering up for them now...

im sorry, i love you too much.

2009-01-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

fall for you-secondhand serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
It could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

2009-01-10T03:18:00.001-08:00

its tough to ask around who still remember we promised to plant a tree together.
its hard to determine if i really existed or im just dreaming...
and i'll be waking up in another minute time.

all the lies i've been telling was just to make me feel better than what i really feel inside.
no one seem to have understand. or was it me that don't want them to?

2009-01-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

just like that and its 10+ posts.
so im just gonna continue this.
he's in my class next year, which somehow suck.
i seriouly have no idea how its gonna be like...something tells me im gonna fall for him again.

im gonna be in big big trouble.
first, bitchy girls are there.
second, he's there.
i wanna appeal for a switch of class. save me.

somehow typing out what i feel isn't helping much.
the problems aren't gonna solve with just a click of a mouse.
so, im gonna give up thinking on those stuff and start working on my own schedule.
hectic life may have made me into a better person. who knows.

2008-12-22T04:09:00.000-08:00

i always tell myself to restrain from him whenever im alone, thinking of him.
damn, its hard. but i have to.
everyone told me he isn't good...i know too.

the few days we spent together was like the best memories i can have.
but really, i hope i can have better ones to let me forget about him.

2008-12-19T01:50:00.001-08:00

thank you for the short love you have gave me.
i'll try to treasure them and delete my love for you.
simply because i know im not the one for you.

honestly, it'll really break my heart to see another girl hand in hand with you,
and its not me.

i could still vividly remember the day i fell for you deeply.
it was a type of feeling that no one else was able to give me.
though you are always quiet, i don't mind the silent you give me.
because i know there's love inside.

you know bit of this and that of me and yet, when i found out i don't know much about you,
you just said that it's okay since he'll know me even when i forget about him.
he'll find me even when im lost somewhere out there.
he'll protect me through those disasters i will be going through.

thinking back, it seem like a dream.
then again, its real. thats life.

2008-12-19T01:45:00.000-08:00

i really have no idea crying to sleep have such a terrible feel.
my pillows are wet because of him.
my eyes are all red because of him.
the memories spending with him kept on replaying through my mind.
flashing them as if it was only yesterday-that was far far away.

he said he would catch me when i fall, but why is he making me fall now?

2008-09-07T01:36:00.000-07:00

----------------------------------------------
maybe he just isn the one for me.
that's why he never respond the way i want it to be.
this may be a never-ending story...

2008-09-06T21:28:00.001-07:00

冰块还没融化你在看表我笑的尴尬
你说最近很忙改天聊吧
那天我在楼下想了很久想你说的话
你说爱情很窄世界很大 (而我们应该长大)
就这样吧就这样吧
我想我听懂你话中的话
而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道
我就是受不了
而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒
却还是这么难熬
微笑紧紧咬牙给你祝福你自由飞吧
你说温室没有灿烂的花 (你总是很有想法)
就这样吧就这样吧
我同意可是我泪如雨下
而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道
我就是受不了
而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒
却还是这么难熬
PS：生活就是这样爱情不是想象
而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒
却还是这么难熬

2008-09-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered what the feeling of losing your 2 most beloved people in the world?
i mean, its either a 'meant to be' answer or just a 'bad luck'. but seriously, how in the world could it be so coincidence that the 2 people died? or worst, not at a same place, not same time, just the same year? it may seem very fairy-tale, but nothing is impossible.
its even possible having people the same name, same age, what's more? losing 2 people you know are kind of depressing for some people, and now it's 2 MOST BELOVED?

if its me, personally, i know i could not get a move on.
i guess i'll just walk out blankly and hope something or someone kills me. i would never kill myself. thats definite. either that, or i'll just hope an angel in disguise-friend, saves me from this huge disaster. not because im weak or anything, its just that, my strength of will is never strong enough to withstand that kind of thing. it's just me, the way i am, the kind of person i am born to be.

2008-09-04T18:07:00.001-07:00

i guess he just treats me as a friend.
not more...just less.
------------------------------------------------------

2008-09-03T05:09:00.000-07:00

a really side side side story.
i had a really wonderful teacher...
he gave me a second chance which i desperately needed to get back on this thing called 'life track'
4 years later, i got into another school. another similar story happened. but its not on me. im just a reader who got a chance to get him also back in track. but sadly, i gave up on him. even though i knew the story well enough to help him out, but i just gave up on him. after thinking for so much, i finally got it right-but its too late.

talking back about my wonderful teacher. he warmly welcomed me back to the big and warm family. we went through thick and thin together, i also got to know this 3 fantastic friends, and also thanks to that small action of his forgiveness, i finally got an ambition. also, even though the reason of my sudden action of quitting is a mystery to everyone, no one questioned me much about that incident, and that really helped me out a lot a lot.

really, thanks to this wonderful teacher, i managed to get on with life.
maybe i should have not gave up on him, i could really be a key person of his life.
maybe because of me, he could also get an important ambition.
maybe just this selfishness of mine just got him off his life track.
i sincerely apologies for my selfishness...

2008-08-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

i led down on my bed.
thinking on what happened a few days back.
it all seemed like a dream...
a real-life dream.
yes, it may look crazy, but its definitely NOT.
me getting all out of love,
liking the guy which i thought i would never notice.

the silence he always has is that he is listening.
secretly, i couldn't wish more to see him again.
i really hope to be in the same class as him...
i want to know him more...
i knew that to be with him,
i really need to study hard.
get into a good class.

2008-08-30T04:33:00.000-07:00

i went out with him in the end.
it was with another group of guys.
that explains even more.

i stick around with him,
since i was like unsure of what to do.
i felt cold in that dark and cold room,
he came over and held my hands.
the wonderful feelings was describable.
the huge warm hands felt like
everything in the universe,
anything in the universe,
it's like what i desire for years-day and night.

my friends thought we are siblings.
what saddens me most was,
do we look that mismatching,
that we look like some close brother and sister?
or is it just the age difference that led to this misunderstanding?
though i naturally laughed it off,
it still bothered me throughout the whole time we were together.

i ask if he could walk home with me...
he agreed.
my heart skipped a bit-due to joy.
the joyous feeling was greater than Christmas.
i desperately want to hold his hand,
the moment our back of our hands brushed past each other,
i draw back my hand.

the tall and handsome guy would never like me,
whatever he do is always better than me,
how can we be compatible?
a wet blanket thought flew through my mind.

we finally reached my house.
though we spent only 3 hours plain walking,
it was like my happiest time ever.
we talked about everything,
i enjoyed the silent pauses between all our topics.
the silent seem to be telling me that he's listening to me talking
that cheered me up a lot.

his hands brushed over my chin,
whispering, "Bye-bye."
i swear that it was very romantic of that.
i blushed and waved at him shyly.
i began to slowly, gently take my steps towards the lift.
i heard his footsteps faintly going softer and softer.
i looked over my shoulders.
seeing his back view of him exiting my line of sight got me disappointed.
after looking at him for a few seconds,
just as i was about to turn back and enter the lift,
he shouted over, "call me ya?"
he grinned at me.
i nodded and waved at him.
with a fuzzy and warm feeling of love.

2008-08-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

oh my god,
he asked me out.
though it was with his friends which im unfamiliar with.

im in a dilemma.
should i like him...not?
i was caught in the middle.
he seems like a nice guy.
though he's older than me by 2 years,
everything could work out...right?

my brother seems to be able to read my mind,
he hugged me to sleep today.
i felt really warm,
but it isn`t the warmth i wanted.
should i gamble for this, once?
i do know that
one step wrong, everything was collapse.

something in my mind is stopping me,
is that a clue or is it just a block of wall to my happiness?
someone, please just help me.

Chapter 1.

2008-08-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

he's always there,
getting crowded by girls.
i always thought to myself,
he still loves you secretly.
though thats a lie,
it still kept my heart really warn and fuzzy.
that feeling kept my heart alive...
its no longer just there beating, pumping
just to live on.
its there for him totally!

god knows what happen,
my best friend suddenly told me she like him.
a lot.
suddenly, my world crumpled like a cookie being stepped on.
my heart skipped a beat.
i thought i would instantly fell unconcious and eventually die.
but, i lived on.
i wanted to show myself that i could easily give up on him...
i wanted to help my best friend to get that best guy in the world
even if it meant me being heartbroken.
things weren`t easy.
everyday, looking at them...
holding hands, talking to each other, whispering to each other.
i thought it won`t matter anymore, cause my heart's dead
but it helped another heart to get alive.

everyday, im missing him more.
i thought i like him more then her...
but why weren`t my feelings returned?

my best friend started sticking to him,
she wasn`t what she used to be anymore.
on phone, she would just kept on talking about him.
saying what they're saying on SMS-es.
true, i was envious of her...but i was even mad at myself for getting envious.
pausing for a second, my eyes welled up...
everything began clear.

not saying whose wrong and right,
they should just continue their story exactly like this
and i should continue my story again.
differently.
my heart started pumping again...

i led on my life.
trying to find the right guy.
nothing seems wrong,
but i noticed something...
everytime, i accompany my best friend for a date,
he's there with him.

should i try it out with him?
but i heard that he has a girlfriend...
he said that they're breaking off soon because she's migrating soon.
i thought this would be my perfect chance.